SEX ON THURSDAY | A Hard Pill to Swallow

SEX ON THURSDAY | A Hard Pill to Swallow

I’ve been on the pill for four years and I can’t seem to break away from it. I trudge to Cornell Health once a month, dutifully retrieve my package of little blue tablets and force one down every night before bed. As much as I have thought about saying goodbye for good, I’m stuck in a (literal) cycle. 

When I first went on the pill, I was a senior in high school. I wanted to have sex, safely, and the pill seemed like the easiest, most popular option. I worried about the laundry list of side effects that came with the pills, but managed to get through relatively unscathed; I can recall only one morning of nausea a few days in. During those first months, I was obsessive about taking my pill. If I took it half an hour late, I fretted for days about being pregnant. My high school boyfriend, bless his heart, put up with these vaguely irrational worries like a pro.

I’m much more relaxed about the pill now when it comes to timing, but a new stress has emerged. I try to ignore the online stories about people getting off the pill and suddenly feeling more energized, less foggy and less depressed. It’s scary to think that I’ve been on the pill for so long that I don’t remember how I felt without it. Even scarier is the fact that I have ignored so much just to have stress-free sex.

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